White smoke, bells, four dancing midgets, seven maids a-milking, and a fresh, minty smell have been released from the Vatican, signaling the selection of a new pope. The lucky pontiff's name hasn't been announced yet, but we have every reason to believe it will be a Catholic clergyman over the age of fifty.
**UPDATE** Thanks in part to the recent resurgence of reactionary absolutism in Christian doctrine (think Mel Gibson, GeeDubya, etc.), the Vatican has decided to rule with the proverbial iron fist.
Here's a quick blurb on Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, whom we'll be calling Pope Benedict XVI from now on:
"In the Vatican, he has been the driving force behind crackdowns on liberation theology, religious pluralism, challenges to traditional moral teachings on issues such as homosexuality, and dissent on such issues as women's ordination." [courtesy CNN]
Good times, good times.
I just took this American dialect test, and the results are TOTAL BULLSHIT:
Your Linguistic Profile: |
60% General American English |
25% Yankee |
10% Upper Midwestern |
5% Dixie |
0% Midwestern |
Yeah... 0% Midwestern. I was born in Illinois. Great test.
What Kind of American English Do You Speak?
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